The bleeding has slowed down to a trickle. The cramps are gone. My “fertility kit”, a box of ovulation and pregnancy test strips, has arrived. The void in my womb has been replaced with the fullness of God (Ephesians 3:19). The desperate thirst for peace after this, our second pregnancy loss, is gradually, steadily being quenched by promises of our mighty Lord. The verse I cling to this morning is:
For I will pour water on himIsaiah 44:3 NKJV
who is thirsty,
And floods on the dry ground;
I will pour My Spirit on your
And My blessing on your
Today I am in great spirits. My energy is high and I am abounding in hope, gratitude faith and love. I pray this feeling remains throughout the day, as I have been stumbling through brief but intense episodes of grief over the last 3 days. My God has been my strength. My hubby has been my rock, allowing God to guide him with the words and actions needed to soothe my aching soul.
When my period arrived after our 3rd cycle of trying I told myself that I would not do the “crazy” stuff during our 4th cycle. “Crazy” meaning, OPK tracking, daily symptom-spotting, daily notes in 4 different period tracking apps or obsessively reading pregnancy message boards and watching “live pregnancy test” YouTube videos. Thanks be to God, I did pretty well. I think most of my obedience came from distraction, though. My mom was in town and I was inundated the never-ending tasks of marketing and acquiring clients for my training business (which is especially challenging in the summer season). I thought about our journey every day but it wasn’t the main focus, as it had been in the 3 prior months.
I’m not sure if the deliberate lack of focus on TTC is what helped us to conceive in cycle 4, although it may have had something to do with it. I can’t be sure. I would rather give the credit to God’s timing and our optimal health, including the fact that we strength train up to 6 days a week (the hubs trains every day, pretty much,while I may skip a day or 2) and we hike for at least 2 hours every Saturday morning (good times!). It could also have something to do with me giving up the 400+ milligrams of caffeine (and all the other junk found in pre-workout powder) that I was consuming daily for years before we officially started our TTC journey in April. I think my body really needed to get itself back to normal and that may have taken a couple of months.
(Side note: I was totally, completely, embarrassingly unhealthy before I conceived each of my 4 kids. I would clean up my diet during pregnancy but all that crappy eating and sedentary behavior catches up to us as we age and, thankfully, I’ve been eating clean[er] and working out for about 7 consecutive years.)
I’m making one change this cycle and that will be including Ubiquinol (CoQ10) in my supplements. Currently I’m only taking a pre-natal vitamin with Omega-3. I did some research on the benefits of CoQ10 for improving fertility + hubs is already using it (among a plethora of other stuff he takes daily – my guy is SUPER healthy lol) so I’m excited to add it into my regimen. Although we don’t have any issue conceiving, I want to be sure that my reproductive system is optimized to carry our next baby to term.
We are doing our part. God will do His. This I know for sure!