This morning I woke up hopeful and praising our GOOD LORD! I am so grateful for breath and life, for the ability to use my five senses, for a fertile, fruit-bearing womb, for a wonderful family, for the opportunity and courage to share my journey with you, whoever you are. I’m grateful, blessed and highly favored by the Lord. I pray you know you are, too!
I also woke up eager to test again. After all, the website Countdown to Pregnancy, the side of the First Response Early Results (FRER) box and a multitude of “I got my BFP [Big Fat Positive]” posts written by equally eager ladies on TTC boards say that 9 days past ovulation (DPO) is a much better chance at detecting early pregnancy than 8 DPO, so why the heck not try? At about 7 am, I tested with a FRER and an Equate One Step (Wal-Mart $.88 cheapie). The results were a couple of uninspiring Big Fat Negatives (BFNs).
I admit a bit of disappointment in not seeing a positive result but that’s because my expectations are selfish and based on what I want. It’s also because I am testing way too early. Honestly. I would save myself a tremendous amount of unnecessary stress, wonder, doubt and ‘disappointment’ if I just waited for my cycle to arrive and dealt with the inevitable feelings when it happens versus putting myself (and my bank account) through this roller coaster of emotion every month. The ultimate reality is that we cannot trust God and worry at the same time. My faith is steadfast. My impatience is what needs effort but God is workin’ on me!
The good news is that tomorrow is another day to test.
On my way to see a client today for our weekly walk around his retirement community’s lake trail I saw a live turtle in the middle of the road. My instinct was to pull over and get the turtle out of harm’s way, so I did. It was smack in the middle of the road, facing south, so I had no idea where it was going or how it ended up there. To the east was the lake, the trail, trees, dirt and grass. To the west were homes, concrete sidewalks and lawns. Naturally, I thought, the turtle needed to find its way back to the water so I gently picked it up, giggling at how cute it looked as it retreated (likely in total horror) into its shell, and gingerly placed it on the grass, facing the east, so it could head back “home”. I went on to meet up with my client.
Thirty minutes later, after we had finished walking, I decided to walk back over to where I deposited the turtle and bring it all the way back to the trail, so it could find the water easier. As I slowly walked the 10th of a mile from the parking lot to where I’d left the turtle, I couldn’t help but wonder (again) how it had gotten so far off the trail. How long did it take for that poor little guy to get all the way to the street? The distance I covered in less than 2 minutes at a normal walking pace certainly had to have taken a day or two for a turtle to traverse.
I got close to the location I dropped it off at and, to my surprise, it was nowhere to be found. I was sure there was no way that turtle could have made it more than a couple hundred feet in half an hour. I looked around in the area for a full minute before it occurred to me to look up and to the west. And, there it was! Across the street, sunning at the end of the curb, in the driveway of a home. Ha. So, it was headed that way all along and I, quite literally, had interrupted its journey and put it where I thought it belonged but, despite my unwitting interference, it still made its way to its destination.
I laughed out loud at the sight and, as I walked back to my car, couldn’t help but think about how that relates to life and unintentional interruptions and set-backs by well-meaning people (even ourselves) who don’t have the full facts or know the whole story behind why we’re on the path we’re on. They offer blind and uninformed re-direction to a path they think we should be on based on their own (mis)perceptions and experiences. Hardly asking any questions because they believe they know the right way to go. And they mean well, they really do but end up unintentionally delaying your progress. That turtle was determined to get across the street! And, it did. Safely and at its own pace despite my interference.
Have you ever been moving along in your life, at your own pace, going in a direction others don’t understand? Then someone comes along and confuses you with their preconceived notions, interfering and delaying your progress? They think you’re moving too slow or doing it all wrong or potentially going to get hurt in the process? If so, be determined and stay focused like that turtle this morning. Keep moving towards your goal, your destination, no matter what. You will be tempted to distraction, you will have set-backs and unexpected delays but keep moving forward. Have faith in your instincts. Trust God. And let His peace, which surpasses all understanding, guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:7).
My mistake was thinking that I knew what that turtle needed even though I know nothing about its journey or destination. I had decided my plan for it was the best and, though I meant well, I set it back. Only by a few minutes but… lesson learned!